To be Or Not to be

two-hands-holding

His arms are helplessly trying to grab me around the shoulders but somehow my soul has given up to accept the warmth of him.

“Don’t leave! I beg you..” He looks at me sensing a feel of failure.

I sit down. Inevitably he is expecting an answer amidst the awkward silence. A few days before, this silence was the most beautiful part of our story. But with the change of wheels my heart has stopped singing songs. Fairy tales have turned to strict rules of reality. He needs answers. But i don’t feel of presenting them.

“I don’t feel for you any more Rony. Try to understand the fact.” I try to create an argument. Like always i did for the past 5 years.

“So you don’t love me anymore?”

And bang on! The guy has hit my heart on the right spot. LOVE – a destructive word you could say when it comes to these terms of the fading stage of a relationship. Specially when He who claims to love me does not care to show the remnants of his concern towards me. But then I accepted him for his goods knowing the bad about him. Then do i really have the rights to throw him the negation? Or more than that, will my heart suffice the needs of fulfillment which i require right now?
Still, i have to tell him right? Because he needs to hear it. His heart needs to feel the absence of my presence someday.

“No i don’t”

His eyes are staring at me. A valiant effort to win my heart has gone in vain and he who could not accept defeat anytime in his life was on the verge of his biggest loss. Silently he turns his head down in dismay. I stand up slowly again with my tired feet struggling to come here to him in the first place.

“I have to go. Stay well.”

“Good to know you care.” The slightest whisper reached my ears as i was preparing to turn and leave the spot.

“I do. I hope you did the same.”

I never had an intention to hurt him in the first place. Neither did i wanted to display an array of excuses to run from this unpleasant situation. But I have to win. And as hard i can, i tried to break this man down. I start walking away from him and probably walking away from my biggest weakness but then somehow I suspend my act. There comes a subtle expectancy of him calling me back for the last time. But he isn’t. I turn back and the last look of him isn’t the one which i was expecting. Just a few feet away from me, the sight of his face strike my sight. Drops of tears are tearing his face apart. His chubby cheeks are slowly getting flooded with the sudden aggression of my statement.

Few years before we made a promise. Quite unaware of the unforeseen situation, we at a slightly young age and slightly less maturity we promised to keep our words.

“What if I leave you someday? Will you cry for me?” I had asked him with the purest innocence.

“Never!” He had a stern look.

“You won’t get the feeling of seeing me for the last time? You won’t cry?” I was quite surprised by his reply.

“No i won’t. Never. I promise. Men don’t cry.” He gave his light heart-winning smile.

I was struck by his strength then. Not the physical one which every man shows. But the strength of the inner person inside him who was strict in his words, his personality showering wonder all over me.

“And i won’t leave you. Ever! I promise.” I made my statement.

We both didn’t keep our promise. A few steps from him, here i am standing. Just a few steps more and I could be away from his life forever. But the strength of the tears is binding me back.
Slowly and steadily i started walking back to him. Another adjustment maybe, another chance to pull things back!

So Who won this time? His tears, my forgiveness or the Promise?

 

4 thoughts on “To be Or Not to be

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